Eating My Feelings by Mark Rosenberg

Author:Mark Rosenberg [Rosenberg, Mark Brennan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 978-0-385-34781-5
Publisher: Crown Publishing Group
Published: 2013-08-06T04:00:00+00:00

AS THE REVOLVING DOOR OF DELIVERY MEN TURNS

For years, Mark had been gorging on food alone until he met the one person who shared his love of food to the extent he did. Some would call our heroine’s new friend a companion, but Mark calls her his soul mate.

Fall of 2003 was a magical time for everyone. Audiences were delighting in the hilarious genius that was Bruce Almighty and America’s sweetheart-in-training Kelly Clarkson was amazing the country with her golden vocals. I had the great pleasure of meeting a new friend, Sally. Sally had met my friend Tom while fighting over the price of her head shots at Kinko’s. Shortly after, Tom dragged Sally to meet me at the Edison Diner on 47th Street.

“Can I get you three something to drink?” the waitress said as she approached our table.

“I’ll have a Diet Coke,” I said.

“OH MY GOD!” Sally screamed.

“What is it?” I asked.

“I LOVE Diet Coke,” she replied.

It was love at first sight. Not only had we bonded over a mutual love of Diet Coke, she was also a fan of other essentials in my life: musical theater and Britney Spears. I had finally met my intellectual equal.

Another reason I love Sally is because she is one of the most gorgeous people I have ever known—inside and out. On the outside, she has long brown hair, a smile for days, wide eyes, and boobs as big as her heart. She also enjoys the sun, so on any given day it’s always a question as to what nationality she really is. On the inside, she’s a truck driver. She drinks beer like it’s her job, curses like a sailor, and loves all types of sporting events, especially ones that revolve in or around Buffalo, her hometown. You never want to play a game with her either. She is the worst sport ever and a bad loser and turns any game night into a blood sport. She’s the greatest person I’ve ever known. She’s extremely sweet to your face but will be the first to tell you to go fuck yourself if you piss her off. She truly is a magical human being.

A few weeks into our friendship, Sally came over to my apartment for a sleepover. We dined on French toast and onion rings and watched Britney’s last world tour. I was so happy that I had found someone on my level. But it wasn’t until that night that I realized just how on my level Sally really was.

“Uh, I’m so full,” I said as I turned out the light to go to bed.

“I know, me too,” Sally replied.

As we lay there attempting to go to sleep, Sally rolled over and said: “You know what would have made this night complete?”

“What’s that?”

“Brownie sundaes.”

“True that!” I replied. “I fucking love brownie sundaes. A warm brownie with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream. Nothing tops that!”

“I know, I kind of want one now,” Sally said.

“Well, it’s 2 A.M. I think it’s a bit late,” I said.

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